Tears In Heaven
by hopelessromanticauthor
Summary: The 3rd book in the Gallifrey's Everlasting Hope series. 3 kids and many adventures later, The Doctor and River have the perfect life. It can only go up from here...or so they thought.
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay, this takes place about 3 years after "The Girl Who Traveled The Universe". I guarantee you'll hate me by the end of this book, but the book i have planned for after this one will make up for it :) anyways, enjoy sweeties xx**_

**Chapter 1: The Morning Routine**

"Mummy! I need help tying my shoes!" A small voice cried out from down the corridor, followed by the sound of footsteps growing closer. A pair of blue-green eyes and full lips peeked into the bathroom where River was fixing her hair and makeup with the Doctor.

"Oh shut up" River growled possessively, bumping his hip with hers. Her hands were full of rough curls, trying to tame them into a bun; otherwise, she would have slapped him.

"Not a chance." He growled back, dropping his comb to pull her into a kiss. The sound of a small throat clearing startled them, making them look toward the door. There stood their eldest child, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

"Oh Azalea," River and the Doctor blushed. "What do you need sweetie?" River knelt down, leaving the Doctor's grasp to tend to their eldest daughter. She was dressed in pink from her headband to her glitter sandals, and even a pink tutu hung at her waist.

At that instant, another incessant cry for help rang throughout the room. Azalea pointed out the door.

"I was coming to tell you not to worry; I'll tie London's shoes. I've showed her like three times how to, but she's as forgetful as daddy." The Doctor blushed as she grabbed the sides of her mother's head and kissed the top of it, then ran off to tend to her 3 year old sister, light brown curls bouncing behind her. Azalea was only 8, and was River's right hand girl. Anytime one of her brother or sister was crying and needed help, she was the one that would get up and come to their rescue. Bless her, if she didn't inherit her father's ability to sleep like a rock, she'd probably get up in the middle of the night and tend to them.

"Why are you getting so dressed up River?" He looked around to make sure no children were in the room. He lowered his eyes, "That just makes it more trouble for me later." He half-smiled.

She was only in a sky blue sundress with a halter top to it, but that was far too much clothing for the Doctor's desires. "Well who said I like to make it easy on you? It's half the fun you know." She winked and slipped past him to go dress their youngest child, who was almost 6 months old. She opened the pastel blue door and peered inside. Little Mason Jack was sound asleep.

"Good morning sunshine!" She leaned over the edge of the crib and kissed his forehead, causing him to stir and yawn. She brushed his dark brown hair out of his face and marveled at how much he looked like her husband. She picked out a green t-shirt with monkeys on it, the matching camouflage print shorts and laid the outfit on the changing table. She picked him up from his crib and he vocalized his displeasure with her in waking him.

"Oh I know Sweetie. Your father is the same way about getting up." She laid him on the changing table and fitted him with a brand new diaper and the outfit she chose. She picked up his strap-on sandals and put them on his squirming feet.

"Come here little handsome man!" She cooed, kissing his pudgy cheek and resting him on her hip. "The women will be all over you one day. Just like they were with your father." She bounced him and he smiled, as she shut the light in the nursery off.

She entered the console room where the Doctor had already begun to feed the girls. She walked over to the console. Ever since she was pregnant with Azalea, the Doctor had pictures of them scattered all over the controls. He had Azalea's, London's and Mason's first ultrasound pictures beside each other. She flipped over a picture of Azalea holding London on London's first Christmas and in his terrible handwriting, it read Little River and London. She smiled, placed it back where he had it, and walked toward the table. She bounced Mason on her hip, both of his eyes watching the girls stuff their mouths full of toast and bacon. River walked to the cabinet and grabbed out the baby formula and a bottle. She soon felt a small tug on her dress and looked down to see a small ponytail of fiery hair and blue eyes looking back at her.

"Mummy, can I has more apple juice, please?" London held up her sippy cup which River graciously took, thanking her for asking nicely. She opened the fridge and grabbed the apple juice container. She filled the little turquoise cup only halfway and snapped the lid back on. "There you go sweetie." She placed it in the pudgy little hands reaching for it, and London toddled back to her booster seat. She was a girl of few words, but great personality.

River put the top on the baby bottle and sat down next to London with Mason in her arms, who took the bottle appreciatively with his hazel eyes fixed on his mother. She was so blessed to have her perfect little family. All with 10 fingers and toes, 2 hearts, heads full of hair and the need for adventure. She watched London attempt to shove the whole piece of toast in her mouth, and Azalea correct her. Now she knew why her husband called her 'Little River'. She had such a great maternal instinct, and given the opportunity, would make a fabulous mom. The Doctor waltzed in, fully dressed, and the girls quickly swallowed what was in their mouths

"Thank you Daddy for the breakfast!" They chimed in unison, Azalea leading with her loud voice.

"Mmm yes sweetie thank you for feeding them." She kissed him and both girls covered their eyes and shouted "Ew!" then giggled. Azalea hopped up, finished her milk, and took her plate in her hands. She piled London's plate on top of that. She couldn't quite reach into the sink, so the Doctor lifted her up so she could gently set the plates down.

"Thank you Daddy!" She smiled, hugging him as he set her back down.

"No problem little Time Lady." He rubbed her hair because he knew she hated it, and he got a River style glare in return. She turned and grabbed a cloth with stars and moons on it and handed it to her mom, knowing she'd need it soon.

"Oh thank you Zalea." River took the burping cloth, draped it over her shoulder, and patted her son on the back. Azalea nodded and walked back over to her seat. After Mason was done with his bottle, she sat him on her knee.

The Doctor whirled the TARDIS into the time vortex with a sudden jolt. "Ladies. And gentlemen..." He pointed to Mason, who laughed happily and clapped his hands in response. River kept her hands in place around the bouncing infant, as to not let him fall off her knee.

"Today, we are going to visit your grandparents! They wanted to spend some time with you all!" Azalea and London gasped and grinned at each other in excitement. Azalea turned to her mom, she knew any time they visited grandma and grandpa, there was fun in store.

"Mummy? What is daddy talking about?" Azalea gave River her best puppy eyes in an attempt to coerce the days plans out of her mom.

"Spoilers Sweetie!" She rolled her eyes to the ceiling with a grin and continued to bounce Mason on her knee. Azalea pouted, she should have known she can never fool her mother.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I will be able to update every week with this book, because I have the majority of the chapters already written :) Enjoy xx**

**Chapter 2: Odd Feelings**

_"Here we are!" _The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS onto the cold Leadworth sidewalk. The air was crisp with January's icy breeze; the smell of smoke from chimneys filling the Doctor's nostrils when he breathed in deeply. The sky was overcast, as usual; the sun was only seen at sunrise and sunset in the winter. The houses down this street all appeared identical, red brick, two stories with dark grey roofs.

River cautiously walked out of the TARDIS, shutting the door behind her. Mason was sat on her hip, and London holding tightly to her other hand. Azalea was on London's other side, carrying her sister's princess knapsack on her shoulder. She also had her own blue backpack in her other hand. The Doctor came over and relieved River of Mason, his Thomas the Train diaper bag slung over his shoulder. Azalea quickly switched sides and gripped tightly to her mum's hand. After everyone was situated, they began to walk down the sidewalk, passing house by boring house, until they reached the eleventh one.

There was something exceptional about this house. Wind chimes hung off the porch, in front of a bright blue painted door. Colorful yard ornaments graced the small, but comfortable yard. A small rose garden was situated right underneath the windows on both sides. River walked up the sidewalk with London and Azalea, and rang the doorbell. A fire headed ginger with moss green eyes answered the door with a warm smile.

_"Hello Melody, Doctor. Would you like to come in?" _Amy Pond stepped onto the stoop and hugged her daughter and son-in-law. She kissed Mason's forehead and knelt down to hug London and Azalea.

_"Nana!" _Both girls shouted, hugging their grandmother's neck. River laughed at her daughter's reactions to seeing her, even though it was the same every time. Azalea will too soon be at that age where she doesn't want to be seen hugging her grandmother, nonetheless her mum. River enjoyed every second of time she had with her children in their young age, so alive and carefree.

_"Thanks Pond, but maybe some other time. We really have to run. Thanks for watching them" _The Doctor smiled warmly, passing Mason and his diaper bag over to Amy. London' and Azalea ran straight into the living room and set down their bags.

_"Oh it's no problem. Been nearly three months since I've seen them?" _Amy gave Mason a look over and pinched his chubby cheek. _"Can't believe how much Mason looks like you Doctor!" _Amy had the brightest smile on her face when he giggled at her.

_"Ya I can't believe it either. But thanks again Pond. We should be back around 7 to pick them back up. Bye girls!" _The Doctor waved at his daughters, who were playing with Barbie dolls. River kissed Mason and blew kisses at her girls.

_"Bye Mummy and Daddy!" _London and Azalea shouted, Amy shutting the door behind her.

The Doctor and River linked arms and walked back towards the TARDIS. No matter how much they loved all of their children, it was nice to get a break from "don't do that" or "get that out of your mouth". Plus, You couldn't go to some of the best places in the universe with 3 children all under the age of ten.

_"Where to now Doctor?" _River had a twinkle of adventure in those blue-green eyes. She hadn't been on a thrilling adventure since before she got pregnant with Azalea. She fought off her adventurous tendencies to raise a family. Today, the Doctor had an undisclosed plan for adventure.

_"Everywhere Doctor Song."_ He smiled, same twinkle of adventure shining in his eyes. River chuckled, prepared for whatever excitement the day may bring.

* * *

><p><em>"Sweetie today was wonderful!" <em>River smiled, kissing him on the cheek. They waltzed back into the TARDIS with two hours to spare before seven, and they were going to make the most of them.

_"Thank you darling, but I have one more surprise for you." _He booped her on the nose and scrambled toward the bedroom. River sighed, smiling at his clumsiness, and took a seat at the kitchen table. Today had been fabulous. Picnic on a faraway planet beneath the tallest tree with the most beautiful purple leaves and two suns shining down on them. After they ate, they battled off some Sontarans, River had been itching to use her gun again, and then went dancing in modern day Paris. Absolutely perfect, down to the last detail.

The Doctor appeared with a bottle of red merlot in hand. _Oh he knows me so well, _River thought, watching him take out the red wine glasses with the spiral stems. With minor difficulty, he opened the bottle of wine and poured a generous amount in each glass.

_"Cheers sweetie." _River clanked glasses with her husband and took a nice sip of the sweet wine. The Doctor took a sip and cringed, but stomached it. River chuckled at his expression. She took his glass and poured the small remainder in hers, winking.

_"Would you like some water instead sweetie?" _She smiled and he started blushing.

_"Yes please." _The Doctor was trying to scrape the taste off of his tongue with the roof of his mouth. River got up and filled a small glass of water, setting it in front of him. He drank a quarter of the glass in one gulp, smiling at River when he set the cup down.

_"So" _The Doctor swallowed. _"Did you enjoy Mum's day off?" _

_"Absolutely sweetie." _She smiled. The wine had coated her stomach in warmth and she felt nice inside. She refused another glass, not wanting to pick up her children tipsy. She felt a little tired and dizzy too, but chocked it off to starting her period soon.

_"Well we have an hour until we pick up the kids, wanna have some more fun?" _The Doctor winked, naughty thoughts plaguing his mind.

_"Actually sweetie, I think I may take a nap. Won't get much sleep once Mason is home. I'm also feeling slightly nauseous." _She excused herself from the table and began to walk toward their bedroom.

_"Okay Riv. I'll wake you up in an hour." _He kissed River's forehead and she walked off to the master bedroom.

Once inside, she shut the door and kicked off her heels. She continued to shed clothing until she was in only her bra and knickers. She climbed in between the cool sheets on her and the Doctor's bed. She was so worn out that she fell asleep almost instantaneously.

* * *

><p>River jolted out of her not so peaceful sleep, sweaty and needing her husband for not exactly G rated purposes. How long had she been asleep? She sat up in bed, pausing to recover from the sudden dizziness, slipped on her robe and walked to the console room. It was empty, not a soul to be seen.<p>

_"Doctor?" _River called. As she was wandering, she found a sticky note pressed onto the fridge. She gently peeled it off and held it on her finger to read.

_You were sound asleep so I decided to pick the kids up and take them for ice cream. Back by 9. -Doctor _

She crumpled up the note and threw it away. The wall clock read 8 pm. An hour by herself in the TARDIS, what fun. River smirked and headed off to put on real clothes. When she took off her robe, she inspected herself closely in the mirror.

_Put on a little weight eh? Too many biscuits I suppose... _She pinched her little belly fat and slipped on a red v-neck with jeans. As soon as she zipped her pants, dizziness hit her again, nausea tagging along for the ride. She crouched down and put her head in between her legs until it passed.

_Wait a second. _River perked her head back up and got on her feet, walking back over to the full body mirror on the wall. She knew something was odd about herself lately. The end result was something she had mixed feelings on right now.

* * *

><p>It had been 10 minutes, yet it felt like 10 hours. <em>B<em>_loody thing takes 15 minutes!__ S_he got a little agitated, but soon composed herself.

What would he think? Would he be angry? Happy? Upset? Or something else? They agreed 3 children would be the limit, but if another one came along that was fine. Mason wasn't even potty trained yet! How could she take care of two babies at the same time?!

13 minutes. 2 minutes left. _"Hurry up time dammit!"_ She cursed out loud. She flopped on the bed and put her hands over her eyes. London and Azalea would sure enjoy another sibling, maybe this would work out...

15 minutes. Her timer went off and she ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She didn't know why she was being so secretive, force of habit she supposed. She picked up the test and stared for a minute at it.

Positive.

River felt like she got hit by a train. A train of shock. They had been careful, she thought they did everything right. Well apparently not. She wouldn't truly mind having another child, she was just shocked her intuition was right.

_Fabulous__,_ she thought about the crazy stuff she'd deal with this time. But she was actually kind of excited for _another_ baby.

* * *

><p><em>"Riv! We are all home with full bellies thanks to Nana and Papa."<em> The Doctor shouted hoping to wake her up. He's glad he decided to let her sleep. She deserved it, for being a great mom.

_"Mummy?"_ Azalea called out when River didn't appear immediately. She had London on her back, playing with her hair. She made London get onto the floor, and walked over to take Mason from The Doctor. She set him in his play pen by London's high chair and went to fetch his toys from his nursery. The Doctor was turned into the cabinet getting a night time milk cup for London started.

_"Sweetie..."_ The Doctor turned around to find River in her robe standing there, feet from him.

_"Hey Riv! Are you...okay? You seem upset?"_ The Doctor trailed off as he snapped the lid on the warm milk and put it in front of London, who eagerly began to sip from it.

_"Not exactly..." _River shifted her weight on her feet, looking directly at the ground and biting her lip.

_"Well what is-"_ River pulled a blue and white stick from behind her back. But that wasn't a pregnancy test... Was it? The Doctor was glad he already gave London that milk because it would have been all over the floor.

_"I'm 2 months pregnant Doctor." _She sighed, setting the positive test and his sonic on the table. _"Here we go again sweetie."_

**Dun-Dun-_DUN!_ **


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: sorry about the shortness of this update. I'm busy with Calculus. But the upcoming chapters will be longer ;) **_

**Chapter 3: Not Quite Right**

Azalea is woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of her mum's laughter. She turned on her light, blinking a couple times to adjust to the new brightness. As she slipped out of bed and put on slippers, the laughter continued, and was accompanied by muffled music. She stretched and creeped over to the door handle. Being the curious girl she is, she just had to see what her mum was doing.

When she entered the corridor, she stopped at her younger sibling's doors to peek in and check on them. Both of them sound asleep, she proceeded to get closer and closer to the laughter and the music became more clear. Azalea paused in the hallway to listen to some of the song.

_Hold me closer tiny dancer._

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

_"Hmph. Weird. Never heard this song before..." _Azalea pondered, looking over her shoulder before proceeding to the console room. She slinked along the hallway, sticking close to the wall. She heard her Dad mumble something and snicker with mum. After minutes of listening and creeping, she peeked around the corner into the room.

They were dancing. River was standing on the Doctor's feet and he was spinning them both around and around on the glass floor. River was giggling, the Doctor whispering things in her ear and occasionally singing to her. Even though he was terribly off-key, she smiled just the same.

Azalea smiled and darted out of sight. She silently ran to her room and fumbled around her drawers for her camera. She had to capture this moment somehow, because it was absolutely adorable and slightly disgusting. But only because it was her parents. If it was anyone else, it'd be just absolutely adorable.

Azalea unearthed her camera from beneath the random objects in her closet bins and ran back down the hallway. She slowly stuck her head out from behind the corner and saw they were still dancing, but to a different song. As soon as she positioned her camera and it clicked, she ducked back behind the wall so she wouldn't be noticed.

The Doctor and River saw her but decided to let her have her fun.

_"Did you just see our little photographer over there?" _He whispered and pulled River as close as her 4 month belly would allow.

_"Oh yes I saw her. She loves that camera Amy gave her. I wonder when she'll fill up that little card in there." _River smiled at him, continuing to sway with him to the music.

_"Well when she does, we can print out her favorites for her." _The Doctor chuckled.

After peering over her shoulder to make sure Azalea was gone, River laid her head on the Doctor's chest.

_"Sweetie can I say something and you not get worried?" _River said softly, listening to his hearts beat.

_"Of course River." _

_"Something feels off. I'm not sure what, but something is different..." _River bit her lip and wrapped her arms around his neck.

_"I'm sure whatever it is will turn out fine Riv." _He kissed her curls and continued swaying to the music. Even though he knew it was probably nothing, he couldn't get River's words out of his head the rest of the night.

_**A/N: AND THE TORTURE BEGINS xx**_


	4. Chapter 4: Part 1

_**A/N: And now, the update I have been waiting to publish for about a year now. You guys will probably cry. Oopsie. Just know I still love you all, please don't hate me too much. xx**_

**Chapter 4: Beginning of the End (Part 1)**

It was midnight and River woke up to an aching back. She groaned and sat up. She hated being pregnant sometimes. She staggered into the bathroom and opened the cabinet to find that the heating pad was not in there. River rolled her eyes and shut the door, frustrated. She turned around to go look in her night stand when something on the floor caught her eye. River knelt down as best she could with an almost 6 month belly and stuck her finger in the liquid. Her hearts began to race when she realized it was blood. She quickly sat down and pulled off her pyjama pants. There was a big red stain on the yellow plaid.

_"Doctor!" _River yelled from the bathroom. She started shaking and slowly set the pants to the side.

_"DOCTOR!"_ River screamed at the top of her lungs and the Doctor was so frightened he fell out of bed. He quickly got to his feet and ran to the bathroom door.

_"Riv what is-" _The Doctor started before his eyes saw it. The blood on the floor, all on River's pants, and the frightened look on River's face.

_"Help." _River whispered, locking eyes with her husband. The Doctor ran a hand through his hair and picked River up to her feet.

_"Don't worry Riv, it will be alright." _The Doctor said confidently as he walked with her into the corridor, then practically ran ahead to Amy and Rory's room. Good thing he didn't drop them off last night. The Doctor kicked the door aggressively.

_"Rory! Rory! I need you something's wrong!" _Rory opened the door in his underwear. He looked at the Doctor concerned. Once River came into view, He saw the blood on her inner thighs and his eyes widened.

_"Oh god. Er, Doctor take her to the med bay I'll get dressed and be right there!" _He shut the door and the Doctor started running again.

_"What is it Rory?" _Amy mumbled, half-asleep.

_"River. Something's wrong and I think it may be the baby." _Rory said, jumping into his pants and shirt. Amy shot up out of bed and left the room in her nightgown. She ran down to the med bay with Rory. When the grandparents entered the room, the Doctor soniced the door and the walls facing the hallway.

_"Don't want any of the kids to wake up. Now it's a sound-proof room." _The Doctor walked back over to the hospital bed and sat down next to River and didn't move an inch. The Doctor was her rock, especially in times like this.

While examining her, Rory looked up at the Doctor and ushered him into the bathroom. He obliged, kissing River's forehead and promising he'll be right back. Once in the bathroom, the Doctor shut the door.

_"Can you fix it Rory? What's happening? She's never bled before, even when she was in pre-term labour with Azalea." _The Doctor was pacing back and forth in the small bathroom, running his hand through his hair.

_"Doctor...she's too far into it. The medication won't help," _

_"What are you saying Rory!" _The Doctor practically shouted. Rory looked and the floor and back to his son-in-law.

_"She's 5cm dilated Doctor. That baby is coming and I honestly don't think it will make it." _The Doctor looked at Rory like he was mad. He kept trying to say something, but couldn't find the words. He pressed his lips together and shook his head.

_"No. No, no, no. The baby can't die Rory! It can't! It's not possible! We have the best medical equipment in the universe in this room are you _sure _you can't do anything?" _The Doctor gritted his teeth in anger, but Rory saw the pain in his eyes.

_"Doctor I'm sorry. But I don't think so." _The Doctor leaned against the wall and scratched his cheek.

_"Now I can do an ultrasound just to check but I'm not sure what I'll find..." _Rory trailed off and looked at the Doctor. The Doctor stood up and placed his hand on the doorknob.

_"Do it. But my child is NOT going to die. Not on my watch." _The Doctor slammed the door to the bathroom and left Rory alone to rack his brain on what to do. Amy lifted her head up after hearing the door slam to see an upset Doctor storming across the room.

_"Doctor what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, I need time to think. I'll be right back." _The Doctor waved his hand in Amy's direction and exited the med bay. River looked concerned at her mother; she had never seen that side of him before. The universe couldn't take his child, not without a fight.

* * *

><p>When Rory finally composed himself, He set up his equipment to do a quick ultrasound while River was asleep. Amy perked up when she saw Rory.<p>

_"Hey, the Doctor just stalked out of here. What happened?" _Amy questioned, whispering so she wouldn't wake her daughter.

_"I was just discussing some things with him. Will you go after him and make sure he doesn't do anything foolish?" _Rory half smiled at her, while he booted up the machine.

_"Um sure?" _Amy looked at him weird but left the room to go find the Doctor. As Rory moved the probe around and around, a million thoughts were racing in his head. Would the child already be dead? Would it have some rare timey-wimey issue?

* * *

><p><em>"Doctor what are you doing! Your wife is in there in pain and she needs you!" <em>Amy stormed into the console room, finding the Doctor sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

_"Doctor?" _Amy walked over to the table and tapped him on the shoulder. He lifted his head to look at Amy, and she noticed some small tears on his eyelids.

_"Rory said there's nothing that can be done...He's not sure the baby will survive..." _The Doctor wiped his eyes and hugged Amy. Amy bit her lip out of sadness for her friend and patted his back trying to console him.

_"Doctor I know you are feeling helpless, but how do you think River feels? That baby is inside her and she feels more helpless because she can feel it but can't help the child. She needs you Doctor...She needs you now more than ever." _Amy patted his shoulder and looked into his eyes trying to get him to understand. The Doctor frowned and got up from the table.

_"Where are you off to now?!" _Amy shouted after him.

The Doctor didn't answer her. He finally understood that he may not be able to stop it, but he could definitely support River through it.

* * *

><p><em>"Doctor I need to speak with you and River. Privately." <em>He said, looking towards Amy. Amy went back into the hallway, and Rory shut the door behind the Doctor. The Doctor noticed River was grimacing in pain, gritting her teeth. Rory sighed, and clapped his hands together.

_"While you were sleeping River, I did an ultrasound to check on the baby. Well, not only are you in labour River, but I have some news...Not quite sure how to say this." _Rory was pacing and River gripped the Doctor's hand. He wasn't sure if it was because of contractions, or out of fear. But he flipped his hand over and grasped hers.

_"River, Doctor. Your baby's chances of survival outside the womb at this point in the pregnancy are small. But not totally zero. Your son also only has one heart. I don't know if this affects him, I'm not a time lord, so that'd be the Doctor's specialty." _Rory motioned toward the Doctor, who knew all too well what would happen.

_"Well Doctor that doesn't matter does it?" _River asked, pleading with the Doctor to tell her he'd be alright.

_"River...sometimes, when time lords and humans mate, the genetics are not in our favour. Even though you are only half human, this still could happen. A time lord cannot survive with only one heart. If he does live, it will only be for maybe an hour after birth. It's most likely though that he will not survive being born and will be stillborn..." _The Doctor stopped because he felt himself tear up. He had to stay strong for River; she could not see the damage. He heard her let out a sort of whimper, but breathe deeply.

_"Okay. So in that case, I will induce you, so that we can increase his chances of survival." _Rory prepared a syringe of the medicine to inject into River. River hissed as she felt the needle go in, but the Doctor was right there holding her hand the whole time. Moments after Rory gave her the medicine and ushered Amy back in.

_"Doctor I'm scared. What if it's already too late..." _River looked at him with teary eyes and sweat on her forehead. She grasped his hand through another contraction and he tried to force a smile but couldn't.

_"River, now is not the time for negativity. No matter what happens, what direction it goes in, It will all be okay. And I'll be right here, however long it takes." _He gripped her hand and kissed her cheek. Even though he felt like running away, He stayed right there by River's side.

_**A/N: Part 2 will be posted soon**_


	5. Chapter 4: Part 2

_**A/N: Here is part two. Hate me yet? It'll get better xx**_

**Chapter 4: Beginning of the End (Part 2)**

An hour later, River was crying and moaning in pain, wishing the baby would be born already. She laid on her side, the Doctor spooning her, rubbing her small belly and whispering words of encouragement into her ear.

_"Come on Riv don't give up. You gave me 3 other gorgeous children this way, you can give me one more." _He kissed her neck and heard her whimper again.

_"Easy for you to say." _River moaned. The Doctor frowned and propped up on his elbow so he could kiss her cheek.

_"River don't say that. Every time, you have looked childbirth in the face and laughed. What makes this time any different? Not to mention you look beautiful in labour..." _The Doctor trailed off, twirling one of her curls and snickering. River wanted to scream at him the differences in this time. This time, he may not cry. If he does, it won't be for long. Instead, River just hummed and he couldn't tell if it was from pain or pleasure.

_"Yes sweetie, because sweat and matted curls is the new look." _She half-chuckled and the Doctor went back to rubbing her. He traced the two names they'd picked out, Nathaniel and Anastasia, in Circular Gallifreyan on her round stomach, which made her smile.

_"It is for me. You don't sweat River, you glow." _The Doctor kissed the back of her neck.

_"My armpits say differently." _He could hear the smile in her voice at that moment. He breathed it in because it may be the last smile she wears today. Rory then walked up to the end of the bed, unnoticed by both the Doctor and River.

_"I hate to interrupt, but I need to examine River. Hopefully she can deliver the baby at this point." _River groaned as she felt the Doctor leave the bed and she rolled over onto her back. The Doctor went back to holding her hand, and gave her a small smile. River half-smiled back.

_"She's ready Doctor." _Rory said somewhat solemnly, fearing the outcome.

_"Rory, would it be alright if I... If I got behind River?" _He said sheepishly. River looked at him, frightened by what he may mean. She had to trust him, but wasn't so sure right now.

_"I don't quite know what you mean Doctor." _Rory was genuinely confused. River then felt the Doctor get behind her on the bed and lay his legs on either side of her. She smiled at him and he smiled at her.

_"Uh sure Doctor. Alright River on your next contraction, you have to push." _She nodded, head laying almost in the Doctor's lap. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

_"I'll always have your back River. Remember that." _He whispered in her ear and kissed her. River felt safe in his arms, and trusted him with her life. Whatever happened today, she would know that he had her back. As River was pushing, The Doctor would let her claw his legs, and would wipe her forehead. He would silently support her, and that made her feel better.

Then she felt it. She felt the birth of her small baby. River kept praying to hear it cry, begging whatever being that was out there to please let her baby live. But no such sound ever came. She couldn't comprehend it. The child was born, it has to cry and breathe right? There was a thick silence in the room, almost like everyone else was praying with River.

_"I'm sorry River...He's gone." _Rory said coldly as he held his small grandson in a blanket. He walked over to the bed where River was laying and stood there, hand on her shoulder.

She didn't respond, didn't even look at her father. She was numb. The thing she hoped would never happen was happening. She wasn't even sure how to react. The Doctor was obviously hurt, biting his lip and looking up at the ceiling to hold back the tears. Amy stood behind Rory, also trying not to cry.

_"Ponds...Could River and I have a moment..." _The Doctor wiped his face, taking some tears with his hand. Rory and Amy looked at him, and solemnly nodded.

_"Would you...Would you like to hold him River?" _Rory asked, his voice shaking.

_"Yes." _River whispered, staring straight ahead. Rory saw tears about to fall down her cheeks, and handed her her lifeless son. Rory and Amy exited the med bay, leaving the Doctor and River to sit in deafening silence. River scooted up in the bed to sit in her husband's lap. When River looked down at her son, she began to sniffle. He was beyond perfect. So small, yet he had everything. Ten little fingers, ten even smaller toes, two legs and arms, but he was lacking the one thing he needed to survive. She felt as if it was her fault. Her DNA and his should have been able to combine correctly and given the child a fighting chance. She continued to weep, placing his little hand between her thumb and forefinger. The Doctor bit his lip again, and tried to console her. He hugged her tightly and shushed her. She couldn't stop it though, Her son was gone. She would do anything to have him back, even give her life for him to live. She leaned into the Doctor's chest, and he heard her start to cry again. He stroked her hair and kissed her head, too numb at this point to cry. The Doctor felt like breaking down right there with River but couldn't. He had to be strong, because if he broke down, she'd fall apart even more.

_"Doctor I'm sorry. I killed him..." _River cried, and the Doctor held her closer.

_"River you did no such thing. You are not at fault for this. Something went horribly wrong, something out of our control." _River heard his voice start to shake and looked to see him with tears on his eyelids. That just made her cry even more, to know she caused her husband such pain. She inhaled sharply and brought her son's head up to her lips. The Doctor stroked her shoulder.

_"Nathaniel Dean Song...A beautiful name for our handsome angel..." _The Doctor leaned in and kissed his head also. River just cried, hearing his name made the wound worse. To know he had a name he would never hear, had a whole life ahead of him he would never see, just crushed River to bits.

_"He sure is Doctor." _River said between sniffles. She turned her head into the Doctor's chest and swore she could hear his hearts breaking. He got up from behind River and went to the storage closet. He picked up his old cot and sat it in the chair next to River's bed. River almost knowingly got up and placed Nathaniel into the cot. The Doctor pulled her into him, and they both looked into the cot, at their son. River turned into him for a hug and continued crying into his jacket. The Doctor stroked her back and shed a tear that his wife would never see.

_"River, you need rest. It's 8 am and you've been up all night." _He lead her back over to the hospital bed and sat down beside her.

_"I don't need sleep Doctor...I need my son back." _River's voice broke and she cried into her hands. The Doctor lifted her head and looked into those emerald green eyes.

_"This was not your fault. As much as I wish we could, we can't bring him back Riv. I'm sorry. Can you please get some sleep now? I promise we will leave him right here." _The Doctor kissed her and she just sat there. He got up from the bed and stood, hand resting on the corner of the cot.

_"Yes...Thank you." _River said, staring into the cot. She didn't want to sleep. She just wanted her son to live, even though it had been thirty minutes.

_"I love you River." _He said, hand on the doorknob to the med bay.

_"I love you too Doctor." _He opened the door, turned out the lights, and entered the TARDIS corridor. Once the door was safely shut, he pressed his back against it and slid to the floor.

And then, The Doctor wept.


	6. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Please don't hate me :() The story I'm posting after this one will cheer you up I promise. In the meantime, here's the final chapter**_

**Chapter 5: A Little Sunshine**

River sat on the toilet wrapped in a pink towel. Her baby. Dead. All her fault, her body was unfit. She somehow felt like less of a woman. She couldn't bear the doctor anymore children. Even though he admitted to her it was fine and they could try again if she wanted, she felt absolutely awful and did not want to put her and the Doctor through this trauma anymore.

She picked up the medium-sized wooden box the doctor had placed their child in to be buried. A little boy. A little boy who would never know his parents love for him. She stroked the box gently. It had Gallifreyan words carved all over it. Love, peace, strength. 3 things River desired to feel right now. She looked around the room, and found a box cutter. She took it in her hands and began to carve on the top of the box. Intricate designs and symbols played out across the Oak box. In Gallifreyan, the name Nathaniel Dean Song. Underneath it, in the best cursive she could manage, "In my heart always". She placed the box and small knife on the counter, where they wouldn't fall. She put her face in her hands and wept. The part of the fluffy towel wrapped around her breasts was soon soaked with her own tears. She sniffled and tried to compose herself, only to begin crying again. With her face tucked close to her chest, she felt a hand brush back the wet curls around her face and rub her back.

"It's okay mummy...whatever happened, it will all be okay." She looked up to see Azalea standing there with a red rose held out to her. River smiled momentarily, taking the rose and whispering thank you to her considerate daughter. She wasn't even sure how she got in here. She thought the Doctor locked it when she asked to be alone.

"How'd you get in here love?" She whispered, her voice full of tears.

"Well I heard you crying so i came to the door but it was locked. So i stole Daddy's sonic from him and figured out how to unlock the door and here I am!" She waved the sonic screwdriver that was heavy in her small hand and set it on the countertop.

"What happened mommy? You and daddy were in here a long time this morning, then I heard you crying...did daddy say something wrong?! I'll go tell him to stop it!" She placed her hands on her hips, close to running and telling off her father.

"No sweetheart, he did nothing wrong." River bit her lip thinking of how to carefully explain to an 8 year old what just happened...even though her intellect was that of a 13 year old, she still had to be gentle.

"If i tell you, it has to be our little secret. You don't tell London or even Nana and Papa okay?" Azalea nodded furiously, and River invited her to sit on her lap.

She sighed, "Azalea...my beautiful Azalea Rayanne..." She felt the tears coming on and choked them back. "Mummy was going to have another baby...but something awful happened and I lost your little brother... and I'm so sorry for that...it was all my fault." River just let the tears flow out and Azalea grabbed some toilet paper and wiped her mom's eyes.

"Mummy it's okay. It was not your fault you lost him, I guarantee it. Maybe he..." she bit her lip in the same fashion as her mom. "Maybe he was needed somewhere else! I'm sure we will find him some day! We can have Daddy and the TARDIS go look for him!" Azalea bounced excitedly on her mom's knees. Oh bless her, she didn't understand. But one day she would.

"I'm sure we will love. But in the meantime, why don't you go and help London with her colors okay?" She patted her on the back and Azalea hopped down.

"Okay! Oh and I helped London trace her name yesterday! I had to ask daddy what her middle name was so she could trace that too...Did you know mummy, that her middle name is Violet? London Violet Song. It's so pretty!" She rambled off on a tangent just like her father does.

"Yea? That is a pretty name. And I didn't know that! Your father picked out her name." She lied. She knew her own daughter's name, she just loved to see the smile come across her daughter's face when she knew something River didn't. Azalea reached the sonic screwdriver on her way out, and nearly dropped it in the process.

"Well you feel better mummy. I know we will find little brother. He couldn't have gone far... Want me to lock this back?" She pointed at the main door, leading into the corridor.

"No sweetie.. I think I'll come out." She laid the pink towel on the side of the bathtub, straightened out her nightgown, and picked up the box. She laid the rose on top of it, and followed Azalea out of the door that she held open for her mommy. Azalea handed River the sonic screwdriver and ran into the playroom where London was sitting on the floor, sucking her thumb and Macon was in his bouncer. They both laughed when Azalea walked in, booping them on the noses.

When River entered the console room, the Doctor dropped what he was holding ran over to his wife, embracing her in a tight, loving hug. River began to cry a little bit again and the Doctor only shushed her and patted her back. She was holding the box between their chests and she felt acceptance. Acceptance that the Doctor was not angry with her, acceptance that she could not expand their family, and acceptance of the fact that no matter how much this hurts, life will go on. They will heal eventually.

Amy and Rory took over hugging River when the Doctor let go, taking his son with him.

"I'm so sorry mum and dad...I know how much you love being grandparents..." She trailed off, laying her head on where their shoulders met.

"Melody, are you forgetting those lovely children in the next room? That beautiful girl with your sass, curls and the Doctor's compassion? The gorgeous red-head with his eyes and a perfect little birthmark exactly like yours? What about the handsome little boy with his face and hair and your nose? Those are my grandchildren. And I give them every ounce of love I have for you, and then some. And that will never change." Amy put a hand on her shoulder. "I love you Melody. Grandchildren or not, I will always love you." She embraced River, started to whimper herself. "I know what you going through..." River wiped her moms eyes as Rory stood there with the Doctor telling him everything is okay. River saw one tear slip from her husband's eye and she let go of Amy, eagerly switching places with Rory. She kissed his cheek and he whispered "It's just not fair..." River smiled at him for the first time in what seemed like ages. "I know sweetie. I know more than anyone else that life isn't fair. But you just have to take what life deals you and run with it." She place her hand over his, on top of the box. "Maybe this is a way of telling us to cherish what we already have." She rubbed his hand with her thumb and kissed his cheek again. He met her eyes. Even though she wasn't crying, her eyes were still full of sorrow, but he noticed a glimpse of understanding mixed in.

"I think you're right River." He took her hand in his and motioned at Amy and Rory to come exit the TARDIS with them, and join them in laying their little boy to rest.

_**I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Til next time, xx :)**_


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